The bitch is back…to procrastinate. But I’ve been doing that for the whole day now, so I actually do have something to share. I know it’s not the best but I’m happy I wrote something — started and completed it on the same day. I wish I felt bad about how happy I get about little things but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being happy. The world is such a sad place, why moderate your laughter according to what’s cool to laugh at and what isn’t, unless of course it’s hurting someone. I got side-tracked. The point is — I wrote something and I wanted to share it.
Context: There’s no name to it. It was raining yesterday while my office meetings were going on and I had to keep working instead of enjoying it in any manner. Money is my religion now lol. But I recalled a day more than a decade back when I was writing in my journal on a very windy day when we had a really heavy downpour. So, I hope you are entertained by the product of my procrastination.
The rain yesterday reminded me of you
Drawing parallels, an epiphany came through
I am almost twice the age you were that day
Scribbling in your journal, you had so much to say
Ramblings about a world created in your head
Took you further from hurtful things someone said
You hated your heart then, like I hate my head now
I wish we could be nicer to ourselves somehow
I met people, read books, got graded with grace
Perfection’s only there in the emptiness of space
Sometimes you can’t help being insecure and jealous
Doesn’t mean you’re bad, I know that’s what they tell us
You wanted to look better for someone to see
Love, in many ways, you’re much better than me
Hid the hate, hurt and hoped that future would glitter
That was you, this is me — all grown up and bitter
Was your exclusion from conversations a start off
To entering discussions I don’t like being part of
When the one in head drowns out the other voice
I wonder if loneliness is better as a choice
Care that you craved when you were scared and so reserved
Got some of it, from someone else, feels undeserved
I know that you hoped there would be good things ahead
I’m sorry love that life gets gloomier instead
Wrote this thinking, “I should say something to save her.”
But instead, I ended up, hoping for a favor
I wanted to feel the rain but I have somewhere else to be
I’m sure the sky looks pretty, could you go out, for me, and see?
So, this is it. I have to go now. To some other form of procrastination or hopefully to actual work. This felt good. Signing off now.
-Anamika
P.S. I couldn’t find a nice picture of rain in my gallery. Seems reflective of the thing I wrote don’t you think?
Anyway, since I mentioned Epiphany in the 2nd row (read: line, I have become a captive of SQL and tables and databases), a mention to the masterpiece requires me to share the links in case anyone wants to know why I’m such a goner for BTS and Seokjin.
Epiphany MV: https://youtu.be/fIkZOLsnoqY
Epiphany Audio:
Spotify:
Epiphany live: His voice is so beautiful!
